MARCH 25th: another night out... last night I went on my second night out for dinner at a casino. A longer trip in a car and longer walking distance to the restaurant. I think it would have been ok except for the seat I sat on was soft and bumped up in the middle which made it hard to sit in a straight posture. I barely made it home and as I got into my apartment, my friend said, "well at least you are not in a wheelchair like that guy sitting next to us." and as sympathy goes, I must say that in my current physical state of constantly having to be aware of how I walk, stand, sit, length of time, and even how I lay in my bed. The fear I have of going out, how far I am from home, and whether or not I'll make it back without another incident, leaves me to appreciate the painfree and almost normalcy of being in a wheelchair. At least you know what your challenges are and you can adapt to them. The almost unstable nature of my current health makes it hard to know what tomorrow will bring. At least now, moving in baby steps forward with the Nikken product"s help, I feel a little more positive in my future.

Interjection: To truely understand where my fears come from, you should know that I have no insurance to speak of. I am a difficult person to insure because I am poor, self employed, apartment ridden (have to work at home), and I have what the insurance companies call a "preexisting" condition on many levels. Doctors and Hospitals do not want to see my kind of people walking in the door and don't even think about being admitted at a hospital on the clause that they have to take you in the case of an emergency. I have been there and done that twice (not by choice I assure you) and I have never felt so helpless, so neglected, and so abused in all my life. Both times I was in a hospital, I sincerely thought I would not leave that place alive.

I don't mean to be so negative here, but I just want to let you feel the gravity of my situation, so you can truely feel my joy at even the baby steps forward I have been taking with Nikken. Ok, look for my next entry and onwards and upwards...